What is it to be Human?
At my core, I’m a dancer. Admittedly not a very competent one, but a dancer nonetheless.
During the COVID lock downs something weird happened (other than the obvious); we didn’t want to practice dancing at home. It just wasn’t the same; the hypnotic, druggy allure of dancing evaporated. But why would this be? I believe the heart of the issue is that dancing is a way to connect with other people, it’s social, and if you remove the social aspect it just becomes a rather dry sport. When we go out to a dance party, there is the excitement of not knowing who will be there, and there’s the social nature of connecting; touching, hugging, looking people in the eye, and just being present.
Connection is sorely lacking in our modern age, especially touch; the elderly are locked away, touching someone in the office has become a legal trip hazard, even simply shaking hands was disrupted in COVID. We replaced hugs with elbow bumps and discovered how poor a substitute that is.
Latinos (“latinx” if you prefer) seem to have a more tactile culture, and I think that is a big part of the attraction of their partner dances like forró, bachata, kizomba, merengue, salsa or tango. We get to role play what we imagine their culture to be, and in that environment we can kiss each other on each cheek and hug.
Why touch actually matters?
In a word: Oxytocin. Oxytocin is the “tend-and-befriend” hormone released by skin-to-skin contact, aka human touch.
Humans are primates (Silly Talking Monkeys), and we’ve all seen monkeys on TV picking nits out of each other’s fur as a form of bonding. This kind of social grooming triggers the same oxytocin circuits. Humans have so much more capacity to touch and care for each other the way primates do.
Humans have pets which we find comforting: they trigger a measurable oxytocin spike and a cortisol drop. As an aside, pets often run outside onto the grass, pick up some electrons by grounding, and bring them back in to share, along with the occasional skink. Pets allow us to bond without reaching out to other humans.
The science of hugging
It gets better, hugs are even more powerful than almost anything else. A proper hug puts two human hearts close enough to remind each other, without words, that we’re still primates who run on touch.
| What actually happens during a good hug | Why it matters |
|---|---|
| Heart-to-heart proximity (left sides naturally line up) | The electromagnetic field of the heart is measurable up to 1–2 metres away. When two hearts are 10–15 cm apart, they start to synchronise their rhythms within seconds (heart-rate variability entrainment). Studies from HeartMath Institute (2015–2023) show this happens reliably in 20–40-second hugs. |
| Oxytocin surge | Skin-to-skin pressure + warmth triggers a bigger oxytocin spike than a handshake or side-hug. A 20-second full-frontal hug can raise oxytocin 30–100 % in both people and drop cortisol noticeably. |
| Vagus nerve stimulation | The pressure on the sternum and ribs gently stimulates the vagus nerve which activates the parasympathetic “rest-and-digest” system and calms us instantly. |
| Respiratory synchrony | Breathing rates often lock together, further deepening the calm and the sense of “being on the same wavelength”. |
| Left-side preference | Most people instinctively turn their head right so the left sides of their chests meet first – exactly where the heart is closest to the surface. |
The humanity of hugging
If you want to be good at hugging (really good, the kind people remember and crave again), do these things and nothing else:
- Offer it with your whole body, not just your arms. Open your chest first, palms up, small smile, eye contact that says “only if you want this”. People lean in when they feel the invitation is genuine.
- Meet them in the middle. Don’t wait for them to come all the way to you, and don’t bulldoze into their space. You both move at the same speed, like the hug is a dance you already know.
- Press hearts together and stay. Firm enough that you can feel their heartbeat, soft enough that they can feel yours. Then stop moving. No patting, no rocking, no countdown in your head. Just breathe and let the silence do the talking.
- Let it last until it’s finished. Somewhere between six and twenty seconds the hug will change; you’ll both feel a little release, a shared exhale. That’s the signal. Anything shorter is polite. Anything longer than that natural exhale starts to feel like holding someone hostage.
- Let go slowly, at the same speed you came in. A tiny squeeze at the end, maybe a quiet “there you go”, and you’re done.
Do that and you become the person that people spot across a festival and think, “I hope they’re still giving out hugs”. That’s all there is to it. The rest is just trusting your inner monkey.
Where to from here?
If we’re just monkeys who’ve forgotten how to touch each other, maybe the solution isn’t to wait for us awkward Anglo-Saxons to co-opt their culture and become Latinos overnight. Maybe we need a socially acceptable excuse to start touching again.
The t-shirts may seem silly, but there is a method to them. By broadcasting that we are being kind, non-judgemental, a silly talking monkey, or offering free hugs we instantly signal “I’m safe, I’m playful, I’m opting in”. It turns a potentially creepy interaction into a shared joke and an invitation. That’s exactly what the dance floor already does – it’s a sanctioned hug-zone. The t-shirt just makes the dance floor portable.
Participating Human isn’t really about selling cotton. It’s about reminding a bunch of silly talking monkeys that being fully human still means hugging, laughing, and occasionally picking metaphorical nits out of each other’s fur.
One shirt, one hug, one ridiculous dance at a time.